Store this…

I just saw an advertisement for a plastic food storage bag.  This bag was proud of the fact that it was calling itself a “green” bag.  It even had the officially green leaf logo on the bag.  The bag was made from 25 percent less plastic.  The bag was manufactured using only wind power.  These are big accomplishments for a plastic food storage bag.  I got the feeling that I should light a candle and sing something happy sounding because the planet now has an environmentally conscious plastic bag.

Hey!  Plastic bag people.  It is still a FREAKING PLASTIC BAG that won’t degrade for another BILLION YEARS!

Puh-lease.

I think, therefore…

When offered dessert, the philosopher answered: “I think not” – and he disappeared.

BLAM, CRUNCH, TINKLE…darn…

Ask me how my day was…no, wait…don’t ask.   Alright, since you insist.  I had a wreck at work today.  No injuries, but, wow, what a mood killer.  Especially since the person with whom I made the unwanted contact was an idiot.   Hey, I really try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but sometimes a person deserves no benefits.

I shall explain:  I was driving my big red fire truck to an incident involving a spill of flammable liquid.  Just another day at work.  As I traveled to the incident location, I was dealing with traffic as usual.  It seemed that the bright flashing lights and really, really, loud siren were attracting an appropriate amount of attention from motorists.  Everyone was at least pulling over to the right. If they were not stopping, they were at least getting over. 

This should have been a warning, because this never happens.  Usually if someone pulls over to the right and stops, I want to get out and give them a big hug.  Most people seem to be annoyed when my big red fire truck requests the right-of-way en route to someone else’s emergency; however, they will complain about how long it took it to get to their emergency when it is their turn.  Sorry… I got distracted.  It really is an issue. 

Back to the story.  I was moving along well in the center lane doing a blistering 35mph approaching the incident location.  Vehicles in the outside lane to my right were actually slowing down and pulling over…except for one vehicle.  I observed his vehicle run up on the car in front of him, which was slowing down, and just as I passed him he pulled into the center lane, or he would have pulled into the center lane if my big red fire truck hadn’t been in it.  He drove into the side of my big red fire truck.  I had no time to do anything except feel the impact.

 Of course, I stopped immediately and checked on the driver’s condition.  Other than being stupid, he was fine.  Since it is not professional to commit murder on the job (and I would have had to clean up the mess) I got back in my wounded big red fire truck, apprised dispatch of my situation and had them start another unit to my original incident. 

When the trooper arrived and asked the driver what happened the guy, amazingly, told the truth.  He stated that he heard all the noise my big red fire truck was making, and “knew it was around somewhere”.  He didn’t look for it– he just didn’t want to slow down for it, so he figured he would pass the cars that were slowing down.  Crunch.  To make matters worse: no license, no insurance, no brain.  Now all of you nice people out there, including myself, will pay for the very expensive damage.  Thank you, nice people.  You always wondered what that underinsured/uninsured motorist fee was on your insurance statement.  Here you go.

And today started out so nicely. 

Time out…

Work continues to interfere with my personal life…

Leave a message…

“Hello! You have reached B3’s refrigerator.  The answering machine is on vacation.  If you will give me your message and number, I’ll write it on one of these little yellow pieces of paper and stick it to myself.  Thank you.”

 

Bored.

That’s a pile of jack! Jack.

Rookie NFL Player Promised $41,700,000.00.

 I need some perspective…

 In an unscientific study that took about 30 minutes this morning, I looked at the US Bureau of Labor Statistics median salaries for the US in 2005.  The salary numbers would be high or low depending on location.

 Here are some annual salaries you can fund with $41,700,000.00 US:

•  1,500 office workers
• 1,005 firefighters or police officers
• 695 teachers with master’s degrees
• 571 college professors
• 104 Presidents of the United States
• 1 Rookie NFL player

 That’s a heck of a lot of perspective.

Your kidding. Is that you’re writing?

This just came to mind:

I don’t give a rat’s hat if my, punctuation or grammar is, correct, or if I write gooder or badder than anyone else…Lord knows I’ve written my share of papers and obtained a mid-life degree with a 4.0 average and I don’t have to worry about it anymore; however, there are a few things that continue to bug me.  Here’s one:

Please help save the world from indiscriminate use of the word your in place of the contraction, you’re.   The word, your, is an absolute possessive; it indicates possession of a thing: your hat, your eyes, your emotions.  You’re, on the other hand, is a contraction…a shortening of two words by sort of combining them.  You’re = You are.

If you want to say, “You are boring,” then you may shorten it by saying, “You’re boring.”  You may not say, Your boring.”  My boring what?  I don’t own a boring, but I will agree that it’s (it is) possible that I’m (I am) boring.

I used to think that people actually care about the way they write and speak.  The first few times I came across this error in usage I thought it was just that, an error.  Now I see it everywhere.  Even in the graphics on the local news!  Where are the proofreaders, or don’t they know the difference either?  As Will Ferrell says, “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”  Doesn’t anyone else see this?!?  How did you get out of high school?  Don’t answer that– I don’t feel like discussing quality of education issues.

It is to your benefit to assure that you’re communicating without looking ignorant in the process.

Thank you for listening…I feel much better now.